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This particular show interviewed a mother who had written and published a children’s book and dedicated it to her daughter. The mother shared with Oprah that she now realized that she had spent many of the daughter’s young years working hard in her career and hadn’t given her daughter the time and attention she deserved. The book was a gift from mother to daughter saying, I’m sorry and I love you. Moved by the sincerity of the mother, Oprah turned to the daughter, who was also present on the show, and asked her about the heartfelt dedication in the book. In response, the daughter scoffed at the dedication and said it meant nothing to her. She said that a meager book could never make up for all she’d lost in those years of her mother not being there for her… …A friend of mine once shared the story of a young woman who had accepted Islam and fell sick shortly thereafter and was hospitalized. Her new Muslim companions would gather at her bedside reciting Qu’ran and keeping her company. One day one of the Muslims was reciting Qur’an and the woman started to turn her head back and forth in apparent agitation. Concerned, the Muslims asked what was wrong. The sick woman responded by saying that it was hard to concentrate because she didn’t know whom to listen to. “What do you mean?” the Muslims asked her. Agitated, she said to the one reciting Qur’an, “Should I listen to you and should I listen to them?” The reciter turned and didn’t see anyone. “I’m the only one reciting,” he said. The woman, who did not know Arabic, responded saying, “I hear someone else saying, ‘Yaa ayyu han-nafsul mut-ma-innah. ‘Irji’ee ilaa rabbiki raaDiyya-tam marDiyyah. Fad-khulee fee ‘ebaadee, wad-khulee jannatee.” O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous]servants, And enter My Paradise (Al-Fajr, 89:27-30). A moment later, she died… …I don’t know why, but the daughter’s words to her mother that day as I watched Oprah affected me deeply. I nearly cried. I wished I could somehow reach out to the daughter and tell her that it was she who should be apologizing to her mother. It was she who should be asking for forgiveness. It was she who should be dedicating, not a book, but her life to the woman who carried her for nine long months and endured agonizing pain to see her safely into the world. If your mother had done only that, I wanted to tell her, a life of toiling servitude at her feet could not repay even a single contraction your mother suffered birthing you. I wanted, too, to ask this single question: For whose comfort do you think your mother worked so long and hard in her career? Allah says: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them Uff [a word of disrespect], nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’ Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance.” (17:23-24). Time and time again we read verses about Allah’s mercy and forgiveness, but it is often not real for us. It is only when we hear stories like the one about the young new Muslim that we begin to get a glimpse into that vast world of Allah’s compassion for His servants. When I heard the story of the girl hearing the last verses from Soorat Al-Fajr before death, my eyes welled with tears. I longed to hear those Divine words recited to me. But as I reflected on my life and my shortcomings, I wondered if I’d be given that gift. What was it, I wondered, that she had done that pleased Allah so much that she earned this momentous blessing? Was there something—anything—that I could do to earn something similar? …I thought of my parents, and of the love that the mother must have had when dedicating a book to her daughter. And I wondered at the regret the mother must have felt when realizing that her daughter would never understand just how much she loved her—even when she had no idea how to show it… If I were to speak to the daughter of the career woman—or to the daughter or son of an absent father—I could never say you don’t have a right to hurt, a right to cry, a right to wish things were different, or even that you don’t have the right to feel that your father or mother fell short in their responsibilities to you. For surely, it is true: Parents are not angels. Parents are not without sin. And parents, of a certainty, are riddled with faults. But rest assured, dear soul, I’d like to say, that Allah knows what you’ve endured. Allah knows your pain. Allah knows the hurt you nurse in your heart… “…Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves…” Even if you suffered at their hands something so severe that you had no choice but to speak up and seek help from others, what harm would it do, even still, to honor and respect them? What harm will your being righteous do to you? “…If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance…” But she was never there for me. He was always gone. Why didn’t he try harder? They should listen more… But what of our falling short in our responsibilities to them? We accept without question the duty of parents to provide, to be kind, to “be there”, and to love us, regardless…. ….Of our temper tantrums, our sudden outbursts, our tumultuous teens…. Regardless of our tendency to rarely, if ever, reach out to them. So in those inevitable moments of hurt, when reflecting on the wrongs of one’s parents, why not pray for them? Why not ask Allah to forgive them? … “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy…” A hadith reports the Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, as saying, “Verily, on the Day of Resurrection, Allah has slaves to whom He will neither speak nor purify nor look at.” When he was asked who these people were, among them was the person “who disowns or abandons his parents” (Ahmad). Yet, as we draw ever closer to the Day of Judgment, there are so few of us who are moved to utter a simple prayer asking Allah’s mercy for our parents, and so many of us who move our tongues endlessly recounting their faults. The Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, taught that one of the signs of the Last Day is that a slave girl will give birth to her master. And, indeed, it seems that that time is upon us… A mother is given orders by her child. A father is scolded for his faults. A mother dedicates a book—a life—to a child and is told… …A meager book could never make up for all I’ve lost in those years of you not being there… What, dear child, would you feel, if that book were your Book of Deeds handed to you on the Day of Judgment? Could your list of transgressions therein—against your parents and yourself—make up for all that you lost in not “being there” for your own soul? And perhaps, you simply saying to your career mother or absent father, “I love you and will honor you still” would be the cause for every single ink stroke in your Book of sin to be erased – forever – from your account. And perhaps, too, while your soul is being taken from your body, you will hear—because of this “meager” good deed—a voice from on high saying… “O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], and enter among My [righteous] servants. And enter My Paradise.” And perhaps your mother and father will enter with you, too. Umm Zakiyyah is the internationally acclaimed author of the novels If I Should Speak, A Voice, Footsteps, and Realities of Submission. To contact her, write to ummzakiyyah@yahoo.com or join her Facebook page. |
['Silsilatul- Hudaa wan-Noor' tape series of Shaikh Muhammad Naasiruddeen al-Albaanee - rahimahullaah. ]
TAPE NO. 329 (00:25:39), [ repeated on tape no.351 (00:44:16)]
Q. “ O Shaikh, the hadeeth which occurs in Saheeh Muslim, where the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, with the meaning: <The worst of the rows of the women is the first one, and the best of them is the last one.> So now, is that ruling, as is indicated by what is apparent from the hadeeth, the same in the closed rooms which are set up for that. Meaning in this closed places, for the women are now totally apart from the men; and it is well known that when (the scholars) spoke in explanation of the hadeeth they mentioned that the underlying reason for the first rows being the worst of them is that they are the closest ones to the men, as mentioned by an-Nawawee..”
A. (“Yes?”)
Q. “So does what is apparent from the from the hadeeth apply to these closed places now?”
A. “Upon my belief I am not able to answer this question, because I think that the questioner consents to this closing off being something legislated, whereas I do not hold that.”
Q. “Yes.”
A. “Because this is an innovation (bid`ah). Locking the women away, or enclosing them (in rooms) in the mosques, especially in spacious mosques, on account of the corruption in society; and confining them to a room where the movements of the imaam will be hidden from them, so that they are sometimes liable to render their Prayer deficient, to the extent of its being null and void.
So in my belief locking the women away, in rooms specific to them in the mosques, is just the same as the row being cut by having an elongated minbar. Both of these are newly introduced affairs. So it is obligatory upon us to return to what the first Salaf were upon.
(We discussed this matter at length yesterday. Yes, the brother was present with us…the brother was with us..)
So it is said: The women today are different to the women of yesterday, and there can be added to that : this is something witnessed. So this saying results in the conclusion that it is therefore befitting that we should confine the women to these rooms, so that the men do not come across anything from that which should remain hidden from the women. So I gave a relatively long answer, and time was short, so I said, as part of a long discussion: that confining the women to these rooms is not a case of legislated masaalihul-mursalah (matters established for the welfare of the Muslims), since the reason for this confinement is a failing of the Islamic society- and it includes the women- to carry out legislated obligations. So if the women entered the mosques wearing the legislated jilbaab, then those who bui ld these rooms would not have the idea entering their minds of confining the women to them. However when they witnessed, unfortunately, some women entering, some perhaps wearing a coat/jacket, or a ‘tunic’, or what they call a ‘jilbaab’ today, and it is not a jilbaab, down to their mid calves, or sometimes wearing transparent flesh coloured tights, and so on. so the gaze of the men was liable to see something that should be hidden. So therefore they said: We will screen the women away from the men in the mosque.
So I say: No! It is rather upon us to implement Islaam, and that we return the Islamic society as a whole, not sections of it, to what was the practice in the initial time. So we contend with the society today. We want the Muslims to return: with their scholars, their students, and their common folk, to that which the Salaf were upon; not to (blind) following of madhhabs, but rather to ‘Allaah said.., His Messenger said…’
There will not be a prevention of having differenct views, just as there was at the beginning, but we do not want there to be restrictive (blind) following of madhhabs. We want the societies, the elite and the general folk, to return to what the Salaf were upon.
As with the case of the mosques. We do not want there to be elongated minbars. We do not want there to be extended minbars in the form of trickery to escape legislated prohibitions (al- Hiyal ash-Shar`iyyah) . They realized that the older minbars sever the rows (for the Prayer), so now they come out to us from a minbar which he enters via the mihraab, and he ascends and then appears to the people upon a little raised platform. Why all this twisting and turning? (All that is needed) is three steps, and Allaah has sufficed the Believers so that they have no need to fight. The best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. How many dirhams and deenaars does it cost to enable the khateeb to ascend to this platform? Based upon the claim: ‘We do not want to sever the rows.’ This claim is a good one. This is the case . However it can be attained without all of this unnecessary effort: take a minbar comprising three steps, and the problem is at an end. Likewise we do not want there to be all this decoration.
And lastly we do not want these rooms for the women. We want for the women what we want for the men: that which was previously present: that the women enter wearing hijaab, and the men move forward to the front rows.
Then in that case the previous hadeeth will apply: <The worst of the rows of the women is the first one, and the best of them is the last one.>
We do not want to reverse the indication of the hadeeth on account of the aberration that has appeared with the building of these rooms in the mosques.”
[Compiled by Aboo Talhah Daawood ibn Ronald Burbank (may Allah have mercy on him)]
The word “shams” (sun) is feminine, and “qamar” (moon) is masculine (in the Arabic language).
The sun burns itself out to give light and life to everything around, and the moon is muneer, meaning it reflects the light. Within itself it has no light; it radiates the brilliance of the sun. So when we shine as men, the implication is that we are reflecting the glorious light of our women. May Allah be pleased with them.
- Shaykh Abdullah Adhami
AbdurRahman. org
One of the greatest gifts of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) to mankind is the revelation of The Noble Quran and it is a Muslim’s source of guidance in our lives. By reading, listening, learning and reciting we can truly benefit in this life and the next. Therefore it is important for every Muslim to utilise their time and make reading the Quran a daily and family activity, for indeed The Qur’an will testify for you or against you onThe Day of Judgment. But how can we practically integrate the Quran into our day today lives and especially with our families?
• Quran and the Family
Make the Quran a family event, and a cherished part of the day – not a chore. Build excitement and enjoyment around the time you and your family spend with Quran. Days get so busy and fly by so set a time of a day that you will spend with yourfamily and The Quran, even if it is just reading 2 pages after Fajr at first and then you can increase once you’ve established a routine.
• Reading, Reciting, Memorizing, Understanding, Implementing the Qur’an
Reading The Qur’an improves our intelligence as for many of us we will be reading in a script not familiar to us, and thus this challenges and pushes our mind. It is also an enjoyable activity to gather as a family to recite The Qur’an and help and test each other’s memorization. One can supplement this activity by reading a good translation or tafsir to understand the ayaat; and moreover, one can pick up a lesson or two from what was read and come up with a list as a family of how to implement the ayaat in our daily lives (eg. Spreading the salaams, feeding the poor, etc.). After all, TheQur’an was meant to be recited and acted upon and lived – our Prophet (Peace be upon him) was like a walking and living Qur’an.
Some children (and adults) struggle to read The Qur’an, but the reward is abundant even if we are struggling – and the reward is even greater when we are patient and persevere in sha’ Allah. The solution is simply to read more and practise, even though it might be difficult at the beginning – the more you/the child reads, the more familiar you/the child will become with Arabic and the vocabulary, and over time the reading will improve tremendously.
Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said: “Verily the one who recites the Qur’an beautifully, smoothly, and precisely, he will be in the company of the noble and obedient angels. And as for the one who recites with difficulty, stammering or stumbling through its verses, then he will have twice that reward.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
He (peace and blessings be upon him) also said:
“The Qur’an is an intercessor, something given permission to intercede, and it is rightfully believed in. Whoever puts it in front of him, it will lead him to Paradise; whoever puts it behind him, it will steer him to the Hellfire.” [An authentic hadith found in At-Tabaraanee, on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood]
This hadith emphasizes the importance placed on the Quran in our lives as it will act as a guide for us in this world and an intercessor on the Day of Judgment when we will all be accountable for our deeds. If you neglect the Quran and do not acknowledge its importance then you have been warned about the consequences.
• Teach the Noble Quran in the Community
Uthmaan, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
The best of you are the ones who learn the Qur’an and teach it to others”. [Al-Bukhari]
If you are qualified, you can teach the Quran – for example you can volunteer at an Islamic school or a masjid to teach the Arabic letters, or tajweed, or memorization.The rewards are many.
• Give your children Islamic knowledge from an early age
Enrolling your children in Quranic classes and Islamic studies can help them to acquirethe knowledge they need for success in this life and the hereafter, and perhaps give them the chance to teach it to others when they get older in sha’ Allah. Have high aims for your child – set them on the path to be a Hafiz. From an early age my parents sent me to the mosque to attend Quran classes and this has helped me today as a mother when I have to teach my children the Quran. Giving your child knowledge of Islam and The Quran is truly one of the best (if not the best) gifts you coul give your child.
Seeking knowledge at a young age is like engraving on a stone. – Hasan al-Basri
But it’s never too late – I have heard of seniors embarking on Hifz; so regardless ofyour age, seek out Hifz, tafsir or other Islamic studies classes.
• Encourage participation in Quran Recitation Competitions
Submerge your child in a fun Islamic environment where they are encouraged to excel in their deen, let them compete for good deeds. Some children who are confident may like to focus their time on competitions, but instead of focusing all their time on meaningless ones (eating contests, for example) you could encourage your child toparticipate in Quran Recitation competition. This will not only help them to learn new surahs but it will also encourage them to read out aloud and build their confidence in reciting Quran beautifully with eloquence. This will increase your child’s excitement insha’ Allah.
(Notes: If your child is shy, don’t force him into a stressful situation for him/her where they will be uncomfortable and put off. Also make sure this isn’t a source of riya (showing off) or upset – every reciter of Quran at the event should be honoured).
• Provide motivation and incentives for your children
Giving your children motivation and creating incentives can help build confidence and also make them feel special. If they have memorized a Surah to the best of their ability then ensure that you give them the praise they deserve and encourage themwith their achievements and learning. If children feel that they are being encouraged, they will be more likely to want to learn more and further their Quranic knowledge within the community. Why not show your approval and the pleasure that is attachedto the deen by planning a family outing or cooking their favourite meal for their good efforts.
The Qur’an is our healing, our mercy, and our guide – how can we truly be successful if we turn away from the very fountain of wisdom, guidance, and success?We should all strive to engage our family in beneficial activities to work towards theMercy of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.
About the Author:
Tasnim Nazeer is a Freelance Journalist/Reporter for BMG’s Global Islamic Finance Magazine. She has written for a variety of print and online publications including TheMuslim News, CNN iReport Citizen Journalism, How to Books and she has her own parenting column on Mum and Muslim Magazine. As a mother of two toddlers she likesto write on topics of productivity in the family and remembrance of Allah.
aken from www.productivemuslim.com
Shaykh Abdul-Azeez ibn Baaz
Reference: Majmoo’ Fatawaa Wa Maqalaat Mutanawi’ah. Vol. 3/292
Question
We always hear the Hadith:
Women are lacking in their capacity to reason and in deen i.e. religion. Some people even use it to offend women. Could you kindly explain the meaning of this Hadith?
Answer by shaykh ibn baz rahimahullah:
The Hadith reads: “I have not seen anyone more deficient in ability to reason and deen than you. A cautious sensible man can be led astray by some of you.” It was said: “O Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him)! What is the deficiency in our reasoning and deen?” He said: “Is not the testimony of two women equal to the witness of one man?” It was said: “What is deficient in her deen?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Is not it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?”
The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained that the deficiency in woman’s reasoning means their weak memory. Therefore, their testimony must be verified and supported by another woman to confirm their testimony, because they may forget and thus add or omit some of the testimony. Allah (He may be Praised) states:Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 282And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her.
As for the deficiency of their deen, it means they abandon Salah and Sawm (fasting) during their menses and post-partum period. They are not commanded to repeat Salah (prayer). This is the meaning of their being lacking in deen. They will not be called to account for this shortcoming, because it is the will of Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) Who legislated this for their comfort. If they were to observe Sawm during their menses and post-partum period, it would be difficult for them. Therefore, Allah commands them to abandon Sawm during their menses and post-partum period, and make up for it later. As for Salah, there is something which prevents them from ceremonial purity. Therefore, it is out of the Mercy of Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) that He commands them to abandon Salah during their menses and post-partum period. However, they are commanded not to compensate for Salah because there is great hardship in this, as Salah is repeated five times a day and night, and menses may last for many days; seven, eight or more and post-partum may last for forty days. So, it was of Allah’s Mercy and Benevolence not to hold them accountable for Salah or oblige them to make up for it.
This does not mean that the lack of their deficiency to reason and deen extends to every aspect of life. The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained that the lack of their ability to reason is because of their weak memory when giving testimony, and the shortcoming in their worship is because they abandon Salah and Sawm during their menses and post-partum period. This does not mean that they are lower in rank than men in all things, or men are better than them in everything.
Generally speaking, males excel females for many reasons. Allah states:Surah Al-Nisa’, 4: 34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.
However, some women may excel men. There are many women whose reason is better than men, and are stronger in deen and memorization. The report of the Prophet (peace be upon him) only indicates that the male gender is generally better in reasoning and deen than the female gender in the two aspects specified by the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Women may perform more righteous deeds than men, their piety may be more than men, and thus their rank in the Hereafter may be better than the rank of men. They may focus on some matters and memorize them better than men. They exert effort in memorization and focus, so they established a reference in Islamic history as well as other things which are clear to those who consider the conditions of women during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and later. It is now evident that this deficiency does not mean that we cannot rely on her in narration or testimony, if she is supported by another woman. Anyway, this report does not prevent her from being of the best servants of Allah if they perform righteous deeds; although Sawm is overlooked during their menses and post-partum, and even if they are exempt from performing Salah. This does not mean that they are lower in everything. Men and women are equally required to observe the standards of piety, good actions, and careful performance of things in their charge. This specific lack of reason and deen is limited to what the Prophet (peace be upon him) explained.
So, a Muslim must not offend women by attributing deficiency to them in everything, but it is a flaw in their worship and weakness in reasoning with regard to accuracy of testimony. Thus, the Hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) should be properly understood. Allah knows the best.
fatwas of ibn baaz
http://alifta.com/fatawa/fatawaDetails.aspx?BookID=14&View=Page&PageNo=10&PageID=361
“Ummi you know everything belongs to Allah. All the animals are Allah’s animals and we shouldn’t kill Allah’s animals and we must respect them.”
“Yes baby” I replied, and then the bombshell hit me.
“Including spiders ummi! They are Allah creatures too.”
A very short converstaion with my daughter reminding me about the rights that these small creatures have over us. But I am absolutley terrified of spiders. I dont want them in my house, and I wouldn’t miss them if I never saw one in the garden. In fact my sister says that I can spot a 2mm spiders standing behind me in a dark room, my aversion to the tiny creatures. Back when I lived at home with my beloved mother, before the life of marriage and nappies and bills, I awoke because a spider crawled on my arm in the middle of the night! It was a huge one too. I never slept in that room again for over a month and only ran in and out when absolutely necessary!
So spiders=my nemesis.
But this little girl, only just turned 5 was making me rethink this irrational fear. An irrational fear because these house spiders, alhamdulillah, are not harmful (unless they crawl in your ear and lay eggs arrrgh!!!!maybe not so irrational then) Okay think of spiders and my mind, will always think of a way that they can cause me harm so I geuss all i’m going to do now is try not to kill them, eventually working up to moving them with glass, just until my husband returns in sha Allah. This is a real challenge for me so lets see how I do.
Just thought I would share, also a reminder that we can pick up lessons and reminders from anywhere and anyone. Very humbling.
“Why are you majoring in that field?” I asked a sister in college. She sighed, “To be honest, I just want to get married. I don’t really care about what I’m studying right now. I’m just waiting to get hitched so I can be a wife and a mother.”
“It’s awesome that she wants to be a wife and a mother, but why would she put her life on hold?” I wondered. Why would a skilled, passionate young woman create barriers to striving for self-improvement and her ability to be socially transformative when she doesn’t yet have the responsibilities of wifehood or motherhood? Being a wife and a mom are great blessings, but before it actually happens, why exchange tangible opportunities, just waiting for marriage to simply come along—if it came along? I didn’t have to look far to find out.
“I’m already twenty-six,” another sister lamented. “I’m expired. My parents are going crazy. They think I’m never going to get married and they pressure me about it daily. My mom’s friends keep calling her and telling her I’m not getting any younger. She keeps crying over it and says she’ll never be a grandma. It’s not like I don’t want to get married; I’ve been ready since college! I just can’t find the right guy,” she cried.
Why, as a general community, are we not putting the same pressure on women to encourage them to continue to seek Islamic knowledge? Higher education? To make objectives in their lives which will carry over and aid them in their future familial lives, if such is what is meant for them? Perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with the idea that women need to get married and become mothers and that if they don’t, they have not reached true success.
We all know the honorable and weighty status of wifehood and motherhood in Islam. We all know that marriage completes half your deen1 and that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us about the mother, “[…] Paradise is at her feet.”2
But getting married and becoming a mother is not the only way to get into Paradise. And not every grown woman is a wife and/or mother, nor will ever be. Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.
Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”3
Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.
Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.
However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.”
The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.
Islam gave women scholarship. Our history is filled with women who have dedicated their lives to teaching Islamic sciences. Have you ever heard of Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr? She was a scholar who was born around the year 522. Her father, Sa`d al Khayr, was also a scholar. He held several classes and was “most particular about [his daughters] attending hadith classes, traveling with them extensively and repeatedly to different teachers. He also taught them himself.”4 Fatimah studied the works of the great al-Tabarani with the lead narrator of his works in her time. You know who that lead narrator was? The lead narrator of Fatimah’s time was not named Abu someone (the father of someone, indicating that he was a male). The leading scholar of her time was a woman. Her name was Fatimah al-Juzadniyyah and she is the scholar who men and women alike would study under because in that era, she was the greatest and most knowledgeable in some of the classical texts.5 Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr eventually married and moved to Damascus and eventually to Cairo and she continued to teach. Many scholars travelled specifically to her city so they could study under her.6
Fatimah was brought up in a family that valued the education and knowledge of a woman to the point that her father was the one who would ensure she studied with scholars from a young age. Before marriage, she was not told to sit around and be inactive in the community out of fear that some men would find an educated woman unattractive or intimidating and would not want to marry her. She was not going through the motions of studying random things in college because she was stalling until she got married. She sought scholarship and Allah (swt) blessed her with a husband who was of her ranking, who understood her qualifications and drive, and who supported her efforts to continue teaching this religion even after marriage. She left a legacy we unfortunately have most likely never heard about because we rarely hear about the over eight thousand female scholars of hadith who are part of our history.7
Why do we never hear about Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr and the thousands of female scholars who were like her? I think that one of the reasons—and it’s just a personal theory—that as a community, we are so focused on grooming our women to be wives and mothers that we lose sight of the fact that this is not even our number one role.
Servitude to Allah (swt) is our number one role. We need to use what He has given us, the means that we have at the moment we have, to worship Him in the best of ways.
We call for revival of the Sunnah through encouraging marriage and populating the Ummah—let us follow the sunnah (tradition) the Prophet ﷺ has left for us through his wife, Aisha (may God be pleased with her)!
Who was Aisha? Was she a mother? She was never a mother. She was a scholar. She was versed in medical affairs. She was the commander of an army. She was a leader, an educator and a devout worshipper of Allah (swt). She was not known to be a great cook—even though she was the wife of the final Prophet of God! And where do we see the Prophet ﷺ admonishing her because of that? He loved her and he trained her in scholarship.
Islamic history is filled with examples of women who were wives and mothers, who focused completely on their tasks of being wives and/or mothers, and produced the likes of Imam Ahmed rahimahu allah (may God have mercy on him).8 We take those examples as a community and we reiterate the noble status of such incredible women.
But we also have examples of people who were not only wives and not only mothers, but those who were both of those, one of those, or none of those, and still were able to use the passions, talents and skills Allah (swt) blessed them with to worship Him through serving His creation, through calling His creation back to His Deen and leaving legacies for the generations to come. Some of these women were wives and mothers and dedicated their lives to focusing on their families completely and some of them continued to serve the greater society at large. It is possible to balance both; it just needs drive, stamina, support and planning.
Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein, or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to being a man, or considered that, given aptitude and opportunity, she had no duties to the wider society, outside of the domain of family life.”9
Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large. They are loving worshipping Allah (swt) through investing in their abilities and using those for the greater good. Perhaps we can all take from their example.
God, in His Wisdom, has created each one of us differently and in different circumstances. Some recognize this, love any stage they are in, and develop their abilities to the fullest. Let us, too, use the time and abilities God has given us to maximize our worship to Him and work for the betterment of society and humanity as a whole. If wifehood or motherhood comes in the process, then at least we were using all of our ability to worship Him before it came and can continue to use the training and stamina we gained before marriage to worship Him with excellence once it comes along.
If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).
Allah (swt) created us to worship Him. THAT is our number one role. Now, let us do our part and figure out how best we can fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.
by Shuhaib Webb
